With all of January slipping away before, I'd even had a
moment to reflect on 2013 I was worried for a minute there that I would lose my
mind if I didn't get a second to breathe. Last year was Sweet Mary Kane's Yearof Being Love, which I couldn't have gone any better.
Filled with opportunities to exude a goodwill, altruism, and charity 2013 brought with it a plethora of lessons. I am grateful for the life lessons I have
learned from both thee ups and the downs of yesteryears. I am not disappointed.
My destination is unknown. I am different.
It is with great sadness and conflict that I must
acknowledge my new view of reality. The wonder from last years opening days is
depleted. I spent days giving of myself and struggling to find a way to balance
the multiple aspects of life/relationships, for it to become undeniably
apparent that dealing with my frustrations appropriately was going to be a
challenge.
It is paramount to my identity that I act with grace,
honesty, and in charitable, uplifting demeanor. 2013 blurred by with me
grabbing up any opportunity to give of myself that came my way. Often this cut
into time that I could have been spending with my family. Beyond that, my
efforts were often met with unexpected and often distasteful and/or offensive attitudes
and behaviors.
At first it was my thinking that I should focus on my
ability to be tactful. Then I smoked a blunt.
I hardly recognize myself as I ponder over who I am and
which teams I am on. I am certainly tired, yet I am less than satisfied. There
are matters that have to be dealt with, uncomfortable matters, and I must rise
to that occasion. I am one to take a hint from the universe, blindly. Which
means that; while the fundamental aspects of love and kindness embodied by
Sweet Mary Kane are immutable, changes are coming in 2014!
No more than I could the year before, can I predict the
revisions to come. What I do know, however, is that it is up to me. I have to
decide the caliber of character that is adequate for my lifestyle. During
the time I have spent working on acceptance of all, lifestyles, religions,
political affiliations, etc., I faced; judgment, nastiness, gossip, vulgarity,
unappreciative behavior, and have been taken advantage of financially. I will not
mirror these behaviors. There is no need for revenge or building a thick skin. The fact is that I don't owe anyone one iota, and I am finished
behaving as though everyone is worthy of my love.
