Mommy Housewife Confessions

Becoming a single mother of two boys under two years old at 20 years old isn't exactly the American Dream. Working 50 - 60+ hours a week and sometimes two jobs and often 7 days a week for months on end leaves plenty of room for resentment to fester. When the hell am I going to get a moment to raise my own kids!? I remember often thinking such things as I would drop them off at a day care or school. It seemed that I rarely had the opportunity to spend time with them and when I did I wasn't exactly at my best. I'm not a morning person, but I can get them ready on zombie mode. And after a long day at work I wasn't really good mommy material either. I began daydreaming of an alternate life where I could stay home and really dedicate my efforts to my children and family. It's not as though I would make as much money as a man anyway!

Recently (within the last three months) I have had the opportunity to live life as a 'stay at home mom' and I'm discovering, just like anything else, there are both pros and cons to my circumstance. I don't know whether to be pissed off at the feminist movement or at the lack of progress, but some days this gig just plain stinks.

On the bright side both of my children are excelling both in academics and extra curricular areas of they're growth. We're in a prime location with everything we need. I have been able to teach them basis skills they'll need when they move out like folding laundry and doing dishes. I may not get what they're going on about always (I'm not so good at following video game conversations) but I'd say we're closer to understanding each other that we have been before. It's nice to have the time to do the extra things when cleaning like wash the base boards and vacuum the air vents. It makes living more comfortable.

Then again, cleaning the base boards doesn't pay me and no one else seems to think that it's a valuable contribution to their lives. Plus I'm bored. Folding laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning, and driving everyone around isn't exactly exhilarating. I hardly get a second to really focus on just me and when I finally do I'm exhausted. If I want to earn some extra money I have to pile more on my plate and I have more than enough to handle already. It's like a trap of guilt. If you don't work you're a bad mom for not contributing financially to the family and if you do work you get robbed of those moments of exploration and understanding you should be guiding them through. What's a girl to do?

Keep writing I suppose.

SMK's Thursday Pot Thoughts: Volume 2

Last night I watched the debate at the local papers' office. This morning I was in the paper and my son is so ecstatic he had to buy a second paper so he could take it to school. I've been assured that is a normal reaction for a twelve year old and I think its kind of cute. It wasn't much of anything, an avatar sized photo and a quote about having not made up my mind.

I found the debate extremely difficult to focus on and was deeply disappointed by the lack of respect for the mediator. Not that he was innocent in the whole thing, he most certainly should have commanded the stage with multitudes more authority than he mustered. I was embarrassed for every one's behavior at one point or another.

I took notes but they were sporadic and nonsensical. I felt like often the two debaters were saying the same thing with different words and calling it a disagreement. The rules were out the window and it was uncomfortable to watch helplessly as Jim Lehre was unable to reign the conversation in.

Having walked away from the debate with no new information or epiphanies my vote is still up in the air. I'm still uncertain whether I will vote for or against someone. What I do know is there is still plenty of time for anything to happen.

I am not thrilled with Obama's record of DEA raids on MMJ dispensaries. Let me set the record that I strongly believe any business breaking the rules should face penalties and consequences. If a dispensary sold to my child I would march on them for a shut down no question. One the other hand however patients need safe access and I believe all people have the right to be well. With that said the number raids during his term in office exceeds even that of George W. Bush? OK I can justify that one with statistics, of course the number of shut downs will rise in positive correlation with the increase in dispensary locations. Alright, I tell myself, he said he'd keep the Feds off my state but its plausible he's doing the right thing. Now Romney, he said he'd fight us tooth and nail. He insist that Cannabis is a gateway drug. I really can't believe that you're in the running for Presidency and you haven't taken the time to educate yourself. If you can not recognize, at a very minimum, that Cannabis has great medicinal value you are completely out of touch with reality.  Romney did mention that he believes states can better take care of themselves. How then can you say that if elected you will fight Cannabis legalization tooth and nail? The two concepts seem like oil and water to me.

So I guess what I am saying is that I probably won't make up my mind until I am actually casting my vote, but I know the one thing that will never get my vote. If I suspect for one second that a candidate would not honor state rights I am voting against them whether or not I adore the other guy. If Oregon, Colorado or Washington State, pass any of they're Cannabis Regulations this November I want to believe that the Federal Government will stand down and let us care for our own. I wholeheartedly believe we can improve ours schools, our work force, and our health through Cannabis and Hemp. As the number one issue to me this election I am sure either party could sway me with the promise of legalization.

One Love ~

Nonsensical Notes of Unimportance 

SMK

P.S. I attached my notes for fun :-)